X-Men The Last Stand - Thoughts

We didn't go on Saturday, we went today.

First, how much did I spend by being stubborn? If I'd gone to Mr. Local Guy's theatre I'd have spent $12 for the tickets, $9 for a large popcorn and drink with one free refill one each. Round trip 44 miles, gas is $2.98/gallon, I get ~18 miles to the gallon. One hour travel time. $12 + $8 + $7.28 comes to $27.28.

Going into the Brand Name Theatre we paid $18 for the tickets, $8.25 for a large popcorn and souvenier cup that can be refilled all year long for $1, round trip 72 miles, so about $12 in gas... two hours travel time. $38.25.

Not too much more for getting to watch a movie without having it interrupted 3 minutes before it's over. And not having to stress out about getting there exactly at the right time, or having to wait 2 hours until the next movie starts.

I really dig these super hero movies. Spiderman II really got me, pierced me right to the heart and had me sobbing for poor Peter Parker. The angst, the pain of being a super hero because he had no other choice, because how can you not save everyone you can? Another Superman movie is coming out, too. I always loved Superman, too. My favorite Superman was Dean Cain, loved the television series!

X-Men was FANTASTIC. For the parents out there... lots of killing... a few seconds of sweaty hot dangerous romance (I felt uncomfortable for the parents sitting next to us with their three young children)... someone came back to life, some important characters died... many lost their powers due to the "cure".

I think the reason they get to me is because I can relate in some weird way. I want to make everyone happy. I take on a lot... a friend one time volunteered to give me a back rub and she commented that my shoulders are SOOOO tight. Well, that happens when you hold the weight of the world on your shoulders. I tend to be the glue that keeps things together. It's a lot to bear, holding tight to the world to keep it in one piece. After she told me that, I've been more aware of it, and sometimes when I can't get to sleep at night, I realize it is because my shoulders are so tense.

Some super heros keep their identities secret. I kind of do that... I mean, I'm pretty much OUT there with lots of stuff, but no one knows all the facets of the real me. My immediate family pretty much knows the real me... but I tend to have separate friends because it's easier to keep things straight that way. Friend 1 doesn't agree with this, so I don't talk about it, or even allude to knowing about it. Friend 2 doesn't like that, so I don't share with her. I go to Friend 3 to share one thing, to Friend 4 to share another. Having this blog... and sharing the URL with my friends (and more recently family) is a real stretch for me. Because everyone's going to find out things about me that I probably would have never told them, or at least not yet. I'm pretty good at feeling out what people think or believe, and I don't pretend or lead them on that I believe in what they do, but I tend to keep quiet and just not participate in the conversation.

I was thinking on my drive home, that I must be pretty self-centered... thinking people will even give a care about what I choose to do. They probably won't care one way or the other.

But it is hard wired into me, to be a chameleon. Adapt to whatever is around me. Don't make waves. Don't do anything to make someone not like me. I know where that comes from. My childhood... my mother loved me, but she had a difficult time with my sister born 22 months after me. She had a lot of resentment toward her, and she knows and admits this. But it affected me so strongly, the contrast. I am pretty much TERRIFIED to share some of my thoughts with some people, because then they won't like me, and then what would I do? It shakes me to the core if I think someone doesn't like me. I hate that about myself.

I wonder if one day, I just won't care. I became very aware of this deep need to please everyone when my children were younger... and not perfect little chameleons. But I did not want them to become perfect little chameleons. It is stressful trying to be everything that everyone wants. Really stressful trying to read minds and figure that out.

I have been on vacation... and have been staying home a lot. Tonight, ds1 and I went to Taco Bell. We were the only ones in the restaurant and another couple came in. Sat in the booth RIGHT behind us, and the first thing I heard the man say was, "Well, it makes you sound like a f***ing retard." I felt myself flare inside so quickly. First, my ds1 has Down Syndrome and I don't appreciate hearing the word "retard". Why did they have to sit RIGHT behind us? My next thought was they were going to sit there and fight, or rather he'd berate her. Right behind us. But nothing came of his comment, and I think I misheard him and he was talking about someone else, not the woman. I almost bolted out of my seat and asked them why they were sitting there, right behind us and excuse me, but please don't use that word around my son!

I feel like a loose cannon, although in the past week since I've been at home, I've felt a lot more calm. It's just hard being out in public.

Ds2 said I had better watch the first and second X-Men or I'd be lost. I think I've caught enough of both movies to get the gist of what was going on. I've always like Captain Picard, I mean Patrick Stewart. Star Trek TNG was my favorite of the series. Anyway, now I think I will make a point to watch both movies in the next week. We will definitely purchase a copy of this movie when it comes out.

I'm tired. It's way past my bedtime.

Until next time.