Dh and I were married the first time in 1986. We were two dumb kids and we thought we could conquer the world. In fact, our song was Nothing's Going To Stop Us Now by Jefferson Starship. We had only dated three months when we got married. I figured my grandparents did it, and their marriage survived for decades, we could do it, too.
We bought our first house in March of 1987 and our first baby boy was born in April 1987.
Things started going downhill for us when we learned in July that our baby had Down Syndrome. We loved our baby so much and were shocked that the doctor would suggest such a thing. After the appointment I called my sister Dee Elle, for her first child born to her when she was 18 had Down Syndrome. She accused the doctor of wanting to make money by doing an unnecessary test. Ds1 didn't look like he had Down Syndrome, and didn't act like it either. Dee Elle's husband was in the military and they did extensive testing on her daughter and both parents. They discovered that her husband had two cousins born with Down Syndrome, so naturally we assumed it had something to do with his side of the family. Even though we knew it was not actually hereditary, as her daughter had Trisomy 21, the type of Down Syndrome which is not hereditary.
I read over the information the pediatrician sent home with us, and he'd pointed out the identifying characteristics which had cued him at Ds1's birth. The Simian crease in both hands which I see is now referred to as a Single palmar crease. The wide space between his big toe and next toe. His pinky finger that had a bend to it.
As I read over the information, I realized the doctor was right. He said he hadn't wanted to say anything right away, and waited until ds1 was 3 months old to make the suggestion. After I knew, then it made sense why ds1 never smiled until he was eight weeks old. He was already showing signs of mental delay.
The world turned black for about three days. We cried and mourned; it was as if our baby had died. Indeed, the first lady I talked to about Down Syndrome told me in a sense, our baby had died. The hopes and dreams of a so called "normal" child. But I was also comforted and reassured when I met her daughter, a young girl about ten years old. I'll never forget the most important thing that lady ever told me, she said, "Always remember your son will be more normal than not. He will run and play, and make friends, and have a life. He's just a little different."
Unfortunately, dh's alcoholism increased drastically with this sad news. There was the responsibility of a new home, wife and now a child with a disability.
In 1989, Kev was born. We were excited to welcome a new member to our little family. Ds1 loved his new baby brother.
The boys sleep snuggled together.
Ds1 grins at his little brother standing at the couch.
Sadly, by 1991, things had gotten to a point where I couldn't continue living the way we were living. Dh wasn't going to stop drinking, and there was nothing I could do to make him stop.Our divorce was final in October 1992.
It took a few years for him to sober up, but he finally did. By 1999, I was feeling overwhelmed with raising two boys all alone, and dh came to live with us. Strictly platonic, because I was too scared to trust him.
For the next few years we lived together, parenting our boys; we became best friends. We work together well, we shared every aspect of our lives, but still I kept him at arm's length. Ds1 was so happy that his Pa was living with us again. He wanted us to be together, and would push us together, hoping we'd hug. At the store sometimes, he'd grab my hand and we'd walk together for a while, then he'd try to put my hand into his father's. It was a bit uncomfortable, but it was clear that ds1 wanted us back together.
I had two good friends who patiently and cautiously would ask every so often why dh and I didn't get back together. We were such good friends, worked together well, shared the same parenting philosophies and religious beliefs. Why not give him a second chance, they'd ask? Dh was patient, and recognized he couldn't push this decision. As I grew to know him better each day, I started to think maybe, just maybe. But I was so scared. I reminded myself of the past, and how it used to be. My two friends would remind me he was sober, and my best friend. Why not reunite?
I was so terrified. I remember driving to work one morning, crying and praying to God, telling him he'd have to soften my heart, because I had worked to keep it hardened.
Eventually I decided to reunite. People at my job actually cried when I told them the news.
We began planning our second wedding in June 2007. First I planned to sew my own gown, it was going to be dark green. I started getting overwhelmed while making the test camisole, it looked like a maternity smock, ugh. Still, I went and bought the jade green lace, and blue lace for the test dress. I still have all this beautiful material. By July 18th I was still determined to make the test dress and talked to a lady at dh's job who told me she thought time was running short as she'd made her daughter's wedding gown and it took every spare minute she had for months. That started to deter me.
By July 22nd, I'd officially given up on making my own dress. The last straw was when one of my good friends suggested we go shopping at a place she knew would have something I could wear. I found a dress that I loved. This was also the day dh asked me, "Isn't October 20th the day our divorce was final?" Yes, it was. We were to be reunited 15 years to the day we were divorced. I also decided to have Ds1 walk me down the aisle and give me away. Here he is, giving me away. I'm starting to cry at this point, because Ds1 has wanted us to be together for many years, and now he is getting to be the one to hand me to his father.
I chose my processional song. But then I found out it was a Catholic song worshipping Mary. Dh thought it sounded like a funeral song anyway. I thought dh and I might have a "first dance" together, only neither of us know how to ballroom dance. My boss said she'd teach me and one of my coworkers made such fun of me during my first lesson that eventually I decided against having a first dance.Then I decided I didn't want the dress I'd chosen. I wanted a REAL wedding gown. A white one. I found one at Goodwill on 50% off day for $25. It was a little big on me, and dh told me after I bought it that he didn't know why I'd gotten it, I already had one. Well, I'd decided I wanted this one. I'm so glad I got it.
I started looking for hair styles. I decided to make my own veil. I designed the floral centerpieces. I thought about making some tablecloths from lace, but decided against it in the end. I used it instead on the floor under the arch. I decided to make a wedding program. I sewed 1,064 beads along the edging of the veil. Did you ever try sewing with clear thread? It's definitely a labor of love. I decided on my bouquet and figured out how to make boutonnières.
I wet washed my wedding gown all by myself. On September 8th my friend did my test hairdo and makeup. I found our "special glasses" that my boss said we had to have. I wasn't about to pay $25 for two glasses. I helped my mom pick out the dress she would wear. I found dh his suit which looked fabulous on him. The jacket was brand new, as was the shirt and tie, but the pants were from Goodwill, along with the shoes.I finished the veil on October 8th, sewed the fancy piece to the back of the wedding gown to dress it up a bit more, and looked into what it would take to alter the dress. I would need to take it in a couple of inches on each side at the ribcage area.
On October 10th, I was panicking. I got the guestbook pages printed out, using OfficeMax since my printers at home couldn't handle the thicker paper. I got Ds1 into his suit to see how it would fit and look and we got him a wig so he'd have "hair". I ordered a present for my boss.
On October 13th, I shared the poem dh wrote for me the previous Christmas, the one he agreed to read during the wedding ceremony. I bought the arch at Michael's for 50% off, the final cost: $15. My wonderful MIL buys all the paper goods for the wedding reception. I'm still unsure about my procession song! I bought some boutonnières and corsages off eBay and the lady sent me all her extras!
And to top it all off, we're on birth watch for one of our does, who is due to kid any day now. Only I am not sure exactly when she was bred as I have misplaced my barn records for that particular month. Thankfully Kev excavated the gate leading into the pen the doe is staying in.
Three days left. I decided to take some time off work. Dh plans to make the cake.
On the 17th, my MIL comes to my rescue with my processional song, which I still hadn't picked out. She suggested The Very Thought of You by Nat King Cole. It was totally perfect. My mom gives me an arsenal of stress relief products so I can cope with the stress of the upcoming wedding. I worked on getting lots of last minute things done, like sewing buttons on ds1's suit, altering the dress and worked on the poem I was trying to write to read to dh during the ceremony.
Here's the cake dh made. Kev came with me both on the day before the wedding, to clean and set up the room, and on the day of the wedding to help my boss get everything ready. Dh and Ds1 came later on the day of the wedding. The doe finally gave birth on the 19th. Here's the poem I ended up writing for dh, with Kev's help. And speaking of Kev, don't miss his poem Scurrying About, A Poem My Mom Should Have Wrote.
The day after the wedding, I recount each memory. We honeymooned at a resort that is only 20 miles from home (thanks again to my fabulous MIL).
On Monday the 22nd, I'm still floating. It was such a lovely day. I really felt like a princess.
We celebrated our second 1st anniversary last month. I forgot to post about it.
Dh had flowers sent to my job. Beautiful white long stemmed roses, which I'd wanted as a reminder of my bridal bouquet. They were just gorgeous, and so lovely. He also got me a lovely, heartfelt card.
Kev made cheese enchiladas, spanish rice and beans for dinner (one of my favorite meals) and we pulled out the top of the wedding cake and had a slice for dessert. Here we are slicing the cake together. We watched the wedding DVD that Kev put together. We laughed and laughed all over again.
I'm very happy to have married this wonderful man, and so happy that our family is together again.Until next time.
