Weddings And True Confessions or The Forever Post

They say confession is good for the heart, but first I'd like to talk about one of my pet peeves.


I think it's wrong, wrong, wrong when people refer to their partner as "husband" or "wife" when they aren't married. I feel like it's lying. I think it's embarrassing when you find out the couple broke up and there won't be a divorce since there wasn't a marriage to begin with. Or you hear they are GETTING MARRIED and here you thought they were ALREADY MARRIED. It's a big commitment to marry and it's not fair when people who aren't so casually claim the titles. I feel a man makes a woman honorable when he marries her, and claiming the title when it isn't true makes a mockery of marriage. Part of me rationalizes that it's none of my business and I shouldn't be so critical of others. I have known of older couples who didn't marry on purpose because one of them would lose their benefits. So I know there are some legitimate cases, but I still feel bad for them. As so often happens for me, when something really grates on my nerves, somehow I end up being in that very situation. It seems to happen consistently for me. I've heard people say "Never say never to God or you might end up in that very situation." I suppose it's for the purpose of learning a lesson.

Now that I've shared my pet peeve with you, I will swallow my pride and continue on with my confession. *swallow*

I'm guilty of the above. How very hypocritical of me, yes? My "dh" isn't legally my husband. However, he was my husband once upon a time. We married in 1986; our divorce was finalized in 1992. It was an amicable divorce. We remained friends but always at arm's length. In 1999 we decided to share a home and raise our boys together. I always made a point to introduce him as my *EX* husband. People just couldn't seem to accept it and would always drop the EX part. It used to really upset me when people wouldn't get it right.

As we parented and made important life decisions together, we became best friends and formed a strong partnership. In 2004, we realized our friendship had blossomed into true love and reunited as a couple. Since it was so darned hard to make people remember the EX part, once we reconciled it was just easier to say "husband". I guess technically it should be fiance, but that connotates that we are new to each other. And what about our children? If we have no history, how do we have children together? Sometimes I'd say let's just say this is my soon to be ex-ex-husband/ex-ex-wife. Get it? Two x's make a positive? Or something like that. We couldn't marry right away due to some things standing in the way, but now those are all resolved and we are free to marry again.

So guess what? We have finally set a date! Yippee!!

For the last few months I've been confused and torn, debating the options. Justice of the Peace? Tiny ceremony with witnesses and a minister? Small ceremony and reception with family and friends? Where to have it... at our home? MIL's home (she had graciously offered)? Outside? At my job? How much to spend? Dh is perfectly fine with anything I decide, so he's not much help. OH I'm too fat, I don't want to see myself in a wedding dress at this size. And on and on...

So about two weeks ago, I said a prayer and asked God to help me with this decision. Because clearly if left up to me alone, I'd be going back and forth, back and forth for the next ten years. It's truly not vaccilating over the decision to marry my honey again, it's not feeling comfortable with any of the choices so far.

I made my Turquoise Tie-dye dress over this past weekend, and started realizing the best place to have our wedding would be at my job. Almost perfect. Centrally located, air conditioned, a full kitchen, tables, chairs, dishes, coffee machine, walk in refrigerator. The only thing standing in my way was I was worried about a rental charge. I wasn't sure if I would be charged, and that was why I hadn't considered having it at my job in the first place. I started thinking if it wasn't TOO much, maybe it would be worth it to pay at least something.

So I decided to ask and found out that there won't be! Over the weekend I started planning in my head. We are working hard to pay down on our debt, so I don't want to spend too much money. Like... not more than $500 total. I'm dead serious on that.

I started looking on the Internet to find that today's average weddings are running TWENTY THOUSAND to TWENTY-FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS. I remember a friend of mine got married - about twenty years ago and the wedding cost $10,000.00. She was a beautiful bride and it was a beautiful wedding, but unfortunately they were divorced within five years. I knew of another couple that paid $10,000.00 for their wedding, about ten years ago, and they were separated and divorced within THREE MONTHS. Yeowch!!

Then I started looking for "cheap" weddings, to find that those are running around FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS.

Well, for this cheapskate, that's still WAY too much. Even $500 feels like too much!

My boss told me her wedding cost $4,000 because she had to invite "everyone" so no one would feel left out. She said there were 300 people at her wedding (she also felt obligated to invite every single client attending our agency at the time).

I'm sorry, but I have no plans to invite every single person at my job. I don't even want to invite all my coworkers, let alone every client. I am not planning to invite every single family member. Talked with my MIL yesterday... she agreed with my boss, that I have to invite "everyone" or someone's feelings will be hurt. My MIL's talking about all my coworkers, and all dh's coworkers. Right. About 50 are employed at his job, and about 30 at mine. That's 80 people right there!

I refuse to succumb to the pressure.

So I had my plans working out in my head. We'll buy deli meats, a roast, ham and turkey, and cheeses from Costco. I can come to work on Friday and slice the meats and cheeses there, arrange the trays and get everything ready. Put it all in the walk-in refrigerator for the next day.

I started thinking of the color theme. I don't want to wear white, I was thinking pink. I really like pink, but would like dh to wear a matching color shirt and he would be uncomfortable wearing a pink shirt. My eyes are hazel - green with brown around the iris. My skin tone is olive. I look really good in dark green. Coincidentally, dh's eyes are the same color. He's nicely tanned. Then I remembered my expensive emerald earrings and that clinched it. Green will be my theme color. I plan to sew my own dress.

So yesterday I went by to drop off some paperwork. My dh's boss' sister works there and when I walked in she says, "So you guys are getting married? A real wedding, wedding? Where are you having it?" I told her at my job and she says, "You want to have it at my place? There's a church in my old western town. Well, you can't actually go into the church, but you can stand on the porch. You can have the reception here and everything!"

Suddenly, all my plans are whirling around, with this new wrench. I mentioned it to dh and for the first time since I started talking about having a wedding, his face lit up, "I LOVE the thought of having it there!"

Pros and cons for work:
Pros: Centrally located, air conditioning, tables, chairs, tablecloths and dishes readily available, kitchen, walk in refrigerator.
Cons: Everyone from my job will want to come, just because it will be easy to get there.

Pros and cons for the cowboy town:
Pros: Unique setting, will eliminate some of my coworkers due to the distance, dh loves the idea, horse drawn buggy for bride to arrive in,
Cons: Some coworkers that I'd really like to come won't be able to - due to the distance, outdoors, possibly will have to rent tables and chairs, where to store the food, would need to purchase paper plates, cups, etc.,

I've already prepared a spreadsheet to calculate guests and food. So far, for 74 guests we're looking at $143.61 for the meat and cheese, and veggies. Guesstimate pricing. Here are a couple of helpful sites:

Feeding 100 people for approximately $100
The Dollar Stretcher - Planning Party Platters
Ellen's Kitchen Get Out The Big Pots
Food for a Graduation Party

How to Personalize Your Wedding
How to have a Small Private Wedding

I ordered these books:
Food for 50 : Bessie Brooks West, Grace Severance Shugart, Sina Faye Fowler (Binding Unknown, 1971)
Bridal Gowns : Susan E. Andriks (Paperback, 2000)
Intimate Weddings : CHRISTINA FRIEDRICHSEN (Paperback, 2004)

Bridal Gowns reviews said the book tells about sewing with wedding gown type material, I thought that would be helpful.

Oh, and dh has volunteered to make the wedding cake! It's going to be Judy's Carrot Cake, one of my friends has made this recipe for weddings and she says the recipe is always a big hit. I hope she doesn't mind if I share the recipe here. I might need to pick Judy's brain for food ideas.

Judy's Carrot Cake
2 cups flour
1 tsp salt
1 tsp cinnamon
2 tsp baking soda
2 tsp baking powder
1 1/2 cups oil
4 eggs
1 cup sugar
3 cups grated carrots
1 cup chopped walnuts
1/2 cup raisins
1 cup pineapple

Mix all dry ingredients, add raisins. Mix eggs, sugar, oil, add to dry. (The food processor does a wonderful job with the wet ingredients, shredding the carrots and mincing the nuts and
pineapples) Add carrots, nuts and pineapple.

Bake at 325°F for 45 minutes

Icing

2 - 8 oz packages cream cheese
1 stick butter
1/2 cup powdered sugar
2 tsp vanilla

Mix until smooth. (Again, this works well in the processor.) Spread, actually sort of pour over cake. Chill until icing firms up. Eat.

I typed into Google - getting married under $500 - and the only things that came up were people asking how to buy rings for under $500, was it possible to get a cake under $1000, hair and makeup under $500? Say what?! Ridiculous! No wonder people are spending $25K on a wedding. Oh come on, $500 for your hair being done and your makeup? I bet "wedding" nails cost $500, too. I won't even be able to let my nails grow much due to milking the goats. $1000 on a cake? PLEASE!!

Speaking of rings... the emerald and diamond ring purchased for me on Mother's Day will be my wedding band.

The tentative date is October 20. I have always thought it would be neat to have ds1 and ds2 sign the marriage certificate as our witnesses. Ds2 turns 18 on October 6th. Plus the weather will not be so hot mid-October.

Welcome the wedding label. :-)

I think that's all for now.

Until next time.